Actually, that's exactly what it was like... riding a bike. I did 2 miles on the stationary bike at the gym today, and got a wild hair (well, in truth, I've been having desires to ride a bike again for a couple weeks now), to try riding a regular road bike. I no longer have a bike, but my son's 26" mountain bike has been dormant in the garage for years... pump that baby up and see if it will hold me. It did. Getting on isn't a small feat though. Mounting over the saddle is a big swing for this old girl, even though I always road boy's bikes when I was younger. I never cared much for the low bar on a girl's bike... right about now it would be a good thing I'm thinking.
Managed to get on, and wobble around for a bit on my tip toes down the gravel driveway. Then tried to pedal. One foot down, so far so good... now hoist that second foot up to the top pedal as it comes around---- um, nope.
Nope on the second try too.
Finally on the third I managed to scrunch it up there, and road for several feet before stopping.
Again-- road a little further.
Again--road half a block down the alley.
Turned around and struggled to get the foot back on, and road back 1/2 a block to the garage.
That was enough for the day. I was huffing and puffing, and my heart rate was 148, so time to rest, and try again tomorrow.
What kind of surprised me is that actually riding was not hard. It was fun, and I didn't have any balance issues which had kind of scared me. My problem was the on/off and the start up each time. I think after a few (dozen) days like today, I might even have the courage to go around the block a time or two. I don't mind slow, as long as I have a little progress each time, I feel good about it. Riding a bike really is like "riding a bike." You don't really forget I guess, but you do get a little rusty (and old, and fat, and old haha).
When you have a lot of weight to lose, like I do, it's easy to get caught up in one of two emotions even when things are going well, and you've been successful. The first emotion is, man, I have so much weight to lose, so what that I've lost 31 pounds in 2 months, big deal, that's NOTHING... no it's not, and just about anyone would say it's not, but mentally, the journey ahead is SO much longer, that it is just a drop in the bigger bucket. The second emotion is disgust that you've done something so terrible that it will take years to rectify, and you are going to have to be strong and resolved to keep it up and end up being successful. And because it has certainly taken years to get to this point, you know (and I'm talking "me" when I say "you") there have been plenty of other attempts to reach the ultimate goal, that ended up failing... so the second emotion is sort of a "sigh" can I make it? Both of those emotions are dangerous to success, but the good news is, both are defeatable. I think the best way to defeat them is to learn how to love the process, and enjoy the journey for what it is. There's nothing that can be done about the past. Although, there is a benefit, even to multiple past failures. You can learn from them and use those to help avoid the mistakes that happened. I've had several minor victories, a pair of shorts I found that I hadn't been able to wear in several years, and just the week before were too tight to wear even though I was able to fight them up for the first time in years. Yesterday I was able to wear them comfortably, no heartburn, sleeping better, walking around the house freer, and most of all, being able to go to the health club and walk all the way from front to back where the locker rooms and pool are without a walker. So, I decided to go "deep closet diving" today again. And low and behold, I found several more items, shorts and a pair of pants I hadn't been able to wear in years, and now I can wear them. A couple are tight but wearable, a couple are totally wearable, but all of them were a great feeling of success. I also found several more items, shirts, shorts and pants that were okay, not yet, but give it another 10 or 15 pounds and you've got it, so they are my new goal for the next few months. And there are plenty of others in the closet still that will be future goals. Every little pound (or as in this week, half pound) of loss is a celebration to relish, and the journey, while not short, should still be something to enjoy and find happiness in. The road to health may not be a short one, but we still have to remember to live in the moment and love life as it improves, and get the most out of it. I know I can't wait to live two years from now. I have to live now, and love my life and myself... that's success.
Don't misunderstand me. It is the past "failures" that have made this journey a little better. Even though there are times those two emotions I mentioned above creep in to my head, I am feeling more powerful knowing them for what they are, and understanding that I have to learn to relish this journey.
I will be the last person to ever say the number doesn't matter. To me, the scale is an important part of living healthier, and either losing or maintaining the goal weight. When I hear people say they don't care about the number, or the number doesn't define them, I bristle a little bit. It almost makes you feel guilty to disagree. I mean of course the number doesn't define you. But saying that also gives you an excuse to ignore reality. The number is reality whether we like to admit it or not. That being said---there are so many other ways to judge weight loss progress or increased health (in addition to, not instead of the scale). We all know the "how clothes fit" one. There's also measurements. It is amazing to see inches disappear even when pounds seem to hang on for dear life, and grudgingly reduce by a fraction of a pound here and there. I was pleased to come upon another one today during my yoga workout from the video I mentioned the other day. I haven't done this workout in about a four days since I have been swimming on the days in between. Today I did it again and wow... there was one exercise in the routine that I just couldn't do last time. I managed all of the others fairly well since it was a very beginner workout, but the knee lift and circling the leg (with knee up) from the hip I just COULD NOT do. I couldn't lift my thigh off the chair much less circle the leg around. Nope. I did some other leg stretches while that short section was on after I attempted it and just couldn't do it. Guess what? I did it today. Okay, I only got my knee up a few inches, but my thigh was off the seat of the chair and I was able to circle the knee in the air, both legs (one at a time, lol). Minor accomplishment? Yep... but it sure made me feel good. What a boost in incentive.
